Do Your Best

An old man was on the operating table. His son, a renowned surgeon, will perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia, he spoke to his son: "Don't be nervous, son. Do your best. Just remember, if it doesn't go well and something happens to me, your mom is going to come and live with you and your wife ..."

Sure is hot down here

A Wyoming couple decided to take vacation in Miami during the winter. Because of hectic schedules, the husband flew to Miami on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room. He sent an email to his wife but accidentally left out one letter in her email address.

Somewhere in Houston, a widow just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was called home to glory after a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her email, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first one, she screamed and fainted. Her son rushed into the room, found her on the floor, and saw the message on computer screen:

Honey, sure is hot down here! You must surprise to hear from me. I've already checked in and can’t believe they have computers here. You are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. Hey, everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow...

英翻中

美國長大的中國小孩, 講中文用直譯法, 有時候真讓人啼笑皆非. 譬如說Fat Man, 明明是胖子, 他們偏說肥人. 胖子還有俊俏的可能, 肥人聽起來就很沒希望. 從前有一回, 陪兒子玩球玩瘋了, 他想說:“Fat Man, I play you!” 只聽到他大叫:“肥人! 我玩你!”真倒胃口.

60-70-80

"60 is the worst age to be." said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out."

"Ah, that's nothing." said the 70-year-old. "When you're 70, you don't have a bowel movement anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out!"

"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "80 is the worst age of all."

"Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year-old.

"No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."

"So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?”

"No, I have one every morning at 6:30."

Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?"

"I don't wake up until 7:00."

Slept Like a Baby

After stock market crashed, 2 losers chatted in their office.
"I couldn’t sleep last night, could you?"
"Oh, I slept like a baby."
"For real?"
"Yah, I woke up every hour and cried."

越改越糟

老師看小毛的作文, 其中有一句: "我媽媽是一位六十多歲的老婦人..." 老師就把"老"圈起來, 在旁邊註明"多餘的". 小毛把訂正後的作文交回, 老師看了差點昏倒, 因為小毛把它改成: "我媽媽是一位六十多歲多餘的老婦人...".